TSS#65 – My Shaky Moral High Ground

In the past, I’ve talked about my core beliefs and ideals already. It has lead to the decision to not review Heartbeat, for instance, because I wouldn’t want to review and promote a game that is made by people actively harming others…

But as time went on, I noticed that my thinking may be flawed. It’s causing me a headache again because that’s a moral standard or an opinion rather that I can’t really hold that easily. If I don’t support this Indie Studio because there is one dev that is a terf, that’s one thing… but why do I stop there? 

I still regularly play League of Legends because I love the game and the champions in there… but I know that Riot Games (and Tencent) are full of a lot of issues like sexual harassment, discrimination, toxic masculinity, and a lot of other things. There are a lot of things going wrong at Riot Games and there are more and more stories coming out about the behind the scenes stuff right there. One of the higher-ups saying that “no doesn’t always mean no” (linking one of the many articles I found but if you want to dig into the topic, sure, go ahead and you’ll find plenty more dirt without digging too deep) is not at all in line with what I believe in… and yet, I’m not boycotting Riot Games. I’m not spending any money on League of Legends, TFT, Legends of Runeterra, Valorant, or anything else… but I’m still playing these games and even writing about it here and there… and that’s a contradiction, isn’t it? 

The gaming industry is full of cases like that. There are plenty of shitbags in the Industry and plenty of companies and dev studios and publishers that are full of shit – but I love video games and alas, am still playing games and writing about it… and my moral high ground of not wanting to support the TERF and her girlfriend who worked on Heartbeat or not wanting to support the homophobic Brazilian Muslim that reached out for a video game review but ended up trying to convince me that I’m sinning for being bi and coming out like that… well, that moral high ground is shaky. I can’t stand on it. I can’t just go ahead and ignore review requests from studios that I know are bad… and go ahead and play games by people that are equally full of shit. 

I love the games published by Chucklefish Ltd. – But even they have mud on their shirt with them not paying some devs or whatever (haven’t really dug too much into that). 

And well, there’s also Blizzard, Activision, Ubisoft, Valve, and a lot of other bigger companies that are equally full of shit than the ones I mentioned before. But I still play their games, which is shitty and hypocritical in a way. In the long run, I won’t be able to hold up that moral high ground of mine where I don’t talk about some games but still support other games that I personally like but who are made by equally bad people. 

Uh, lots of (not exactly) Ivory Towers and uh, a High Ground… I guess?

And as previously mentioned, stuff like that gives me headaches. I’m in a conflict with my own beliefs of what’s right and wrong. I get migraines at the worst possible time and I end up questioning whether or not I should maybe write a review of Heartbeat. 

I mean, even TERFs quite often have a reason for being the way they are. If you’ve been traumatized by men in the past, you probably don’t feel that safe around anyone who’s been a male before or who still is a male – especially in “safe spaces”. At the same time, I still disagree with them and I do feel like there are better ways of handling things. Insulting and discriminating against trans-women isn’t at all what I want to defend here… but at the same time, I can’t say that I know their stories. I don’t know whether or not, I can just shit on terfs without ever really knowing what they’ve been through – and I doubt that I can get in that mindset either since I’m just a male myself. 

It’s a tricky subject and while I will not support that dev who tried to “make me hetero” because he personally harmed me, I may consider actually writing a post about Heartbeat… as a game… made by people that cared about the game. People that actually are inclusive. People that spread love and make games for the sake of bringing joy to people of all kinds. People that created something that taught me a lot about self-love and loving others despite our differences. In the core, Heartbeat is a great game that I really recommend. My stance on that one dev doesn’t change necessarily. That one dev isn’t part of the studio anymore. Everyone in the studio distanced themselves from that one dev or left the studio. 

A lot of the things that that one dev did to harm others are unforgivable. The way they handled things shouldn’t be able to get excused purely by trauma. I don’t think violence solves violence – physical or verbal doesn’t matter in that regard. I don’t think it’s fair for me to judge someone from this ivory tower that I’m sitting in. I mean, if someone actively harmed me or my friends or anyone in my community, I wouldn’t want to support them. 

The Gaming Industry might as well be as rotten as the Curse-rotted Greatwood! idk, it’s just a picture, move on.

My ideals don’t change. My ideals are the same as before. Transwomen are women. Transmen are men. Trans rights are human rights. For every bad person, there are ten good people in the world. Love and let love, live and let live. I’m still trying to be my best possible self and I want to grow as a person and I feel like taking a look at these stances that I took in the past and that I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of months already is only natural and actually quite important. You can’t always stick to one opinion unless you’re really stubborn. 

So what I’m trying to say is that I still don’t know if I can hold that moral high ground up. I doubt it. I’m still against people that cause other people harm and I still want to improve and become a better human being. My ideals and principles haven’t changed at all… but I can’t act as if that one small Indie Studio is the worst part of the Gaming Industry when it’s really just one dev there… and I can’t just ignore all the other parts of the Gaming Industry. Instead, I feel like it’s a lot easier to put up a disclaimer of sorts in a review. “The members of the studio distanced themselves from the lead dev (aka the terf) and I personally don’t like what the terf did but a lot of other people put their heart, sweat and blood into this game, so I’m still writing a review on this game. I hope you can understand” or something like that. 

I’m still torn about this. I still don’t know what to do about this. I’d love to hear a lot more opinions on the matter. If you’ve got one about it, please let me know. I’d be more than pleased to know. 

TSS #60 – Toxic People

This is a post about toxic people and toxicity in general, I guess. And to make this post less sad or personal or heavy, I’m also adding cat pictures into the mix – and I’m not adding any pictures of cats that I know and love but generic cat pictures from the wordpress library to make it less personal and more generic. I hope you enjoy these.

I’ve recently had to deal with someone whose friend I was for six years (or probably more at this point) and whose just company wasn’t doing any good for me at all. I didn’t know what to do about it. I always was hoping that it would get better eventually or I was making excuses as I don’t know what he’s going through, but that’s the point: After six+ years, I still don’t know a thing about this “friend” and I’ve never really had an actual conversation outside of video games and other interests with this person. And that’s weird. It’s scary to an extent. You think you “know” someone but you don’t at all. Everything you think you know about that person may be a lie. My girlfriend actually suggested that I cut ties with him and that that would probably do me more good and while I acted as if that’s something new, I actually knew that it’s something I’d have to do eventually.

Photo by Wojciech Kumpicki on Pexels.com

This guy would have no problems at all with judging others and cutting them off for the stupidest reasons, like getting into a girl’s pants, period. At the same time, everything that you’d do that wasn’t on his side got treated as “treason” and you’d essentially get guilt-tripped into thinking that you’re in the wrong, to the point where it fucks with your personality. He’s (probably) six years older than me. I say probably as I don’t know if he’s really 27 or if that’s a lie as well. After all, I don’t know if he actually has a job if he’s broke all the time or if he actually is studying right now if he seems to play games all day and know nothing about psychology or empathy or whatever. I was fourteen when I got to know him and he always thought of himself as someone who’s teaching me about all kinds of things when he really was just pushing his ego. And in hindsight, it really screwed with me to have a person like that around for that long at that age.

These 351 words here are probably wasted on him but since I kicked him off my discord, removed him from social media and just didn’t talk to him at all anymore and cut him off without a word to him or any other friends, I felt that I should maybe write about it. I should maybe talk about it. Just to get it off my mind. Alas, there’s this post here. This post where I talk about toxic people in my life and how I’m trying to deal with it.

Photo by Lina Kivaka on Pexels.com

I’ve had this teacher for nine years and he’d always blame me for all kinds of things even when I didn’t have anything to do with them. He would manipulate me and laugh about me and overall he was the biggest douche I know, to this day. The only reason for me to go to school was the fact that I was in that Drama club… but he would lead it and since everybody loved him and his fresh way of teaching, I couldn’t really speak up about it as I’d be the outsider who’s trying to be edgy and be against the mainstream (or something like that). I also didn’t want to get kicked out of the Drama club. So, I stayed in the club for nine years.

When I graduated, that teacher was basically patting himself on the back for those nine years where I have been an active member. That teacher was basically bragging in front of a whole gym hall full of people that he was the person that raised me to the person who I am now. And he’s not going to hear it from me now. After all, the only thing that is going to change if I talk to him about it or if I go public about it, is the way he’ll treat my younger siblings in class, giving them an even harder time and bad grades for no reasons. And when they graduate, it will already be too late for me to speak up about the disgusting human being that that teacher is – in my opinion. It won’t make a difference at all if I were to talk about the stuff he put me through. If he lost his job, he wouldn’t be able to feed his family at all. After all, he got married and has a child with one of his former students, and nobody wouldn’t want to destroy that, right?

Photo by Flickr on Pexels.com

So, what I’m trying to get at is: Fuck people. They suck. Most of them. I’ve met plenty of great people out there. The Blaugustans, my girlfriend, a ton of people who I met through twitch, and some other great friends: They are all great. I’m glad that I’m part of some of these communities and I know there’s plenty of other great people that I haven’t met in a while… but at the same, there are even more douchebags and jerks and hosers over there…

Recently I’ve talked to Roger from containsmoderateperil again and we had this discussion about how life is too short for a lot of things. He also found out that he’s older than my father, which apparently was not apparent… but either way…

Life’s just too short for all of those jerks and scumbags. Life’s too short to give a fuck about any of them. And life’s too short to keep any of them around or to be angry about them. I guess this post is pointless in a way. The person I recently cut ties with in my life didn’t even bother to reach out to me so that basically reaffirms to me that it was the right choice to make. Let’s just hope that he won’t cause trouble sooner or later. Same thing for that teacher or for a certain blogger who used to cause trouble but who just doesn’t care anymore.

Photo by Natalie on Pexels.com

Life’s too short, so just don’t get overagitated about that kind of thing, I guess. :c Uh, but that’s also bad advice and probably is not always the thing to do. Sometimes it’s just easier to ignore it… or you set the bar super low to never get disappointed! Or you just surround yourself with pleasant things in order to prevent yourself getting damaged or whatever.

So that’s it for today’s post. Have a nice one!

Cheers!